


Things That You Guess and Things That You Know

by azephirin



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Child Abuse, Chocolate, Established Relationship, F/M, Kink, Sexual Fantasy, Spanking, girl!McCoy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-01
Updated: 2010-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-07 15:23:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azephirin/pseuds/azephirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>You really want that?</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Things That You Guess and Things That You Know

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read on its own or as a sequel to "[Five Steps on the Path to a Shifting Destination](http://archiveofourown.org/works/66247)."

Late morning on a Saturday: They're still in bed, though Jim did get up once to make coffee. They have black grapes and biscotti from the market, a little random but delicious. Much like Jim himself, Lee thinks, looking at him sprawled out on the bed in a patch of sunlight, and she smiles behind her mug. He's naked, and so is she—she did start to put a robe on at one point, but abandoned the effort after his vociferous protests.

She has to go to the lab today, but later. Right now is for drinking coffee and eating grapes and stroking her hand up and down Jim's spine as he dozes in and out of sleep.

He wakes, stretches, and she watches his contented smile as he opens his eyes—and steals the PADD on which she was quite enjoying reading the science section of today's newsfeed. "Hey!"

"Oh, awesome, science section."

She tries to snatch for it. "Give that back!"

Instead, he rolls out of bed—gloriously unclothed, and still carrying her PADD. "I'm gonna get some more coffee. You want any?"

"I want my PADD back, you enormous pain in the ass."

He disappears into the hallway, but she can still hear him: "Pain in the ass, huh?" He returns with coffee, takes a drink of it, and leers at her cheerfully. "Maybe you should punish me. Make sure I don't do it again and all."

She rolls her eyes at him. "Punish you how? Withhold sex? Beer? Those revolting Andorian fried eyeballs or whatever that you like?"

"I think it's actually the retina. And they're really good, if you would actually try them. Crispy on the outside, creamy on the inside."

"OK, that's disgusting."

"Mmm mmm good. Alternatively"—and one thing you have to know about Jim Kirk is that he can shift gears as fast as his neurons can fire—"I hear that spanking does wonders. In certain situations." His delivery would be carelessly perfect if not for the blush that illuminates his cheeks and the coffee mug that conceals the lower part of his face.

What blurts out of her mouth is, "You mean on the ass?"

He takes another drink of coffee, then sets the mug on the bedside table and the PADD next to it. "I'm pretty sure that's how it's usually done."

"You're serious?"

"Well, I wouldn't say **that**. But I do mean it, if that's what you're asking."

"And you want me to…?"

He climbs onto the bed and sits in front of her, settling her legs around his hips, hands gentle on her calves and thighs. "Yeah. I want you to."

His eyes are blue, open, beautiful. A few hours after they made love for the first time, she discovered the scars Jim's stepfather left that fleck his skin from the small of his back halfway to his knees. As a surgeon, she's better known for medical precision and skill in a crisis than for bedside manner. Jocelyn always used to say that Lee might have been great with cardiothoracic incisions, but that she sucked at matters of the heart.

Which is probably the reason that the next word out of her mouth, before she can stopper it up and think of something better to say, is, "Why?"

Jim shrugs and looks down, and Lee wishes she could take it back. Thinks that she would give up a lot of her storied precision and skill in return for knowing how not to cause pain to the person she loves who is sitting naked—in more ways than one—across from her.

She reaches for Jim's hands and folds them into her own, and he looks back up at her then. "I just…I never want to hurt you, Jim."

He lifts their joined hands and kisses her fingers. "You wouldn't be."

"Of course I would! That's…that's what it's supposed to do!"

He shakes his head, then leans back, pulling her with him until they're lying together, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. "You know that chocolate you like? The kind with the pepper in it?"

"Seventy-five percent cacao, with cayenne pepper," Lee clarifies. She takes her chocolate very seriously.

He sounds amused when he says, "Right. Why do you like it?"

Trust a man to ask a dumb-ass question like that. "Because it's chocolate. Duh."

"But why that kind instead of, I don't know, white chocolate?"

"Because white chocolate isn't actually chocolate and is in fact a disgrace to that hallowed name. Stop laughing; it is."

"Okay, okay. So why that kind instead of Hershey's?"

"It's better quality," she says instantly. "And…I guess it's the contrast. The chocolate's sweet—well, semisweet, anyway—but the pepper's got bite to it."

"Like you, baby." He kisses her forehead. "Sweet but with bite."

She rolls her eyes.

"Anyway, so that's what this would be like. Some pepper with the sweetness."

"Have you ever tried it?" she asks.

"No," he admits, which must be the first time in the world that particular answer has resulted from that particular question. "Never was with anybody I— that I trusted enough to ask."

She's quiet for a moment, then kisses the soft part of his shoulder. "I'm glad. That you trust me enough, I mean." Another pause, then she asks, "But you've thought about it before?"

"Oh, yeah. A lot. It ranks pretty high in, uh, private time."

"How high?"

"It's kind of a tie, I guess. I mean, there's a lot of stuff. You doing that to me. Me doing that to you."

"Um."

"It's— Bones, it's not violent. It's…I don't know, kind of silly. Like, you're wearing some kind of Catholic-school outfit—I know you didn't go to Catholic school, this is a fantasy we're talking about—and it's all very 'oh, teacher, please don't give me detention!' And then you bend over and I, um, I spank you, and then I fuck you over my desk."

"A Catholic-school outfit?"

"It's so hot. Little skirt, little shirt, knee socks—"

She's laughing; she can't help it. "I'd look ridiculous."

"Oh no. You definitely don't look ridiculous. Ridiculous doesn't even exist in that universe. You just look like you've got your skirt up and no panties on and your legs spread for me, and it's the hottest thing ever. And obviously there are other things I think about, too. Like sometimes you have tentacles."

_"Tentacles?"_

"I mean, you're still you and everything. You just have tentacles. That you can do really awesome things with."

"Jim, you know I love you, right?"

"I know. Love you too."

"That doesn't negate the fact that you're the strangest person in the world."

"Like you never had a tentacle fantasy."

"I can really, honestly say that I never did."

"Whatever; I'm sure you've got something just as out-there that you're just not telling me."

Lee has to think about that one. She's never been really kinky—generally the basics are perfectly satisfactory. "I had one about Nyota and Captain Pike once," she offers.

"Mmm, that's good. Not necessarily a combination I'd have thought of, but I could definitely get with that."

"Are you serious?"

"For a given value of 'serious.'"

"I thought you didn't want Nyota that way."

"Not in real life. You don't actually want Uhura—or Pike—that way, either, do you?"

"Of course not," Lee says.

"So that's what makes it fun. You don't want it in real life, but it's fun to think about. And do other things about. During private time."

"But you do actually want me to…you know."

"Yeah. But not right now. Right now you're going to tell me some more about that Uhura/Pike scenario."

Lee knows Jim well enough to know when a subject is dropped.

+||+||+

 

He doesn't bring it up again, but she doesn't forget. She tries to do some research on it, the development of sexual fetishes in adults who were abused as children. There's nothing particularly conclusive: For every study that claims unassailable proof that fetishes (and in particular BDSM-related fetishes) stem from childhood abuse, another study claims unassailable proof that they do not. Some studies expound the various psychological disorders from which fetish practitioners suffer; others claim that fetish practitioners are psychologically healthier than the average person.

_In short,_ Lee thinks, dropping her PADD on her desk in disgust, _no one knows a goddamn thing._

+||+||+

 

It's a Friday night, and they've both been out: Lee with Nyota, Gaila, and a few other friends, and Jim with some of the guys from his Temporal Mechanics class. Lee gets home after Jim does: He's already in bed, though the light's on and he's reading. She washes her face, brushes her teeth, and finds the shirt of his that she's been sleeping in; then she climbs into bed and into his arms, which are already open.

"You and the girls have a good time?" he asks.

"I quite enjoyed my evening with a group of accomplished, intelligent women, thank you. Did you and the overgrown frat boys enjoy yourselves?" They're all smart—you have to be, to take the advanced-level course they're in together—but you wouldn't know it when they go out on the weekends.

"I'll have you know there was no beer pong involved."

"Mmm, praise the Lord for small favors."

Jim rolls Lee over and kisses her. "You enjoy being a curmudgeon, I know it."

She kisses him, and that shuts him up.

Jim's naked—he typically doesn't sleep in anything—and Lee's not wearing very much, but they're in no hurry. It's nice to just kiss, to enjoy the warmth and weight of Jim's body against hers, to let him kiss her ears and throat. They rock against each other, and Lee can feel that Jim's hard; his thrusts aren't insistent, though, just slow and lazy because they feel good.

"Lee," he whispers.

"Yeah?"

"What we talked about. A while ago. Would you do it? Please?"

"You really want that?"

"Yeah," he says. He's still whispering. "I really do."

Experimentally, without shifting their position, she slaps him across the ass, not very hard.

His choked gasp is the same one he made the first time she went down on him.

She spanks him again, and another time, and his hips push more urgently against hers. She strokes his hair with one hand and spanks him with the other; he buries his face against her neck, but she can still hear his sharp breaths.

She slaps him a little harder, and the breaths turn into moans. She can feel heat and slickness between her thighs, but she doesn't know whether it's his precome or her own wetness. Maybe it's both.

She pauses. His ass is hot against her hand, and she wishes she could see it, bright pink against his golden skin. "You want me to keep going?" she asks.

"Yes, Lee, please—"

At her next slap, his hips jerk, and she realizes how close he is to orgasm. She pauses again and says softly, "You want to come, Jim? Like this?" It feels ridiculous to say, but he likes talking in bed, and so she adds, "While I'm spanking you?"

"Please," he breathes again.

She wraps her free arm around his shoulders and murmurs, "Whatever you want."

It takes three more slaps, three more sharp pulses of his hips against her, and he comes with a desperate cry, muffled against her shoulder. When the shudders don't stop, she realizes that he's shaking. She closes both her arms around him, strokes his neck and back. "Jim?"

His voice is normal when he answers, "Yeah?"

"Is everything…You know you hate it when I ask if you're OK."

His breath huffs in a laugh. "That counts as asking. Yeah, I'm OK. That was just…intense." She reaches down to rub his ass, and he sighs. "Feels good."

A few moments pass, and they don't say anything. Jim touches the parts of Lee he can reach, draped on top of her as he is; she runs her hands over him from thighs to scalp, tracing and retracing her own pathways on his body.

He tries to push himself up, and she's sure his intent is to go down on her. She tightens her arms around him and says, "Stay where you are." Generally an offer of oral sex from Jim Kirk is not something that any sane woman turns down, but it's not what she wants right now.

He looks at her with raised eyebrows as though she might, in fact, be insane.

"It's not quid pro quo, Jim," she says. "Right now I want to hold you, and I want you to let me."

He settles back against her without protest, and she cradles him with her body.

"I know you're going to ask," he says after a while, "so I'll just say it now." But then he stops, and doesn't go on.

"Ask what?" Lee says.

"What we did— Shit." He starts over. "I know you're going to ask how that was different from what Frank did to me."

Lee blinks. "Uh, actually, no. I think it's pretty different in just about every way it can be."

"Then what was your hesitation?"

"I just don't—didn't—whatever—understand how you could want that, after what he did."

Jim shrugs. "I was born a little bent, I guess. The fact that I had an asshole stepdad is irrelevant to that as far as I can tell. I mean, tentacle fantasies. I know there's no psychotraumatic root to those."

"No. Those are just because you watched too much whacked-out Risan porn."

"You've got see some one of these days. The things they can do with antennae…"

She swats him on the ass again, and he laughs.

Ten minutes later, he's asleep in her arms. It takes her longer, but, finally, she drifts off too.

+||+||+

 

Two weeks later, even as she's half convinced she's out of her mind, she orders a short Black Watch plaid skirt in her size.

After all, it's good to try new things.


End file.
